Christians and Mourning 

 Webster's defines the word mourn as: to feel  or express sorrow or grief. Mourning is a natural part of the grieving process. As Christians, I do not believe that we deal with grief in a realistic way. I believe that we are getting better at it, but we still have work to do in that area. Feelings of pain, loss, and grief, cannot be wrapped in a scripture, or a bible verse, and put away in a corner.

Healing takes time. The most helpful thing we can do for people at this time is to let them express their painful feelings, and be supportive.  Allow the person to tell their story. Grieving persons have a need to tell their stories, and to talk about the person they have lost.

Prolonged, or complicated grief occurs when we do not acknowledge the pain, and the truth of what has happened. We must allow those who are grieving to have their feelings, whatever they are. They must be allowed to sit with the fact that this loss has occured, and that indeed, it hurts. Our faith and the scriptures provide  sources of comfort and support. The fact that Christians believe that the deceased is at peace with God is  also a source of comfort, but the pain is still present, and has to be dealt with in the here and now. It is important to realize that Jesus preached a holistic Gospel. All parts of the self must be nurtured and cared for.

Many believe that Christians should not mourn the dead, however from a common sense point of view, it is impossible not to. How does one not mourn the loss of a vital part of themselves?

 Grief and mourning are about the feelings and emotions of the living. The living need to be nurtured, and cared for by the ministers, and congregational care persons in their faith community.

The faith community must accept the fact that death affects us all, and that it hurts. The reality is that we all mourn. We all grieve, and it is painful. We must also accept the fact that there is no getting over it. We do not get over the loss, we simply come to a place where we can co-exist with it.

I think of the conclusion of the book of Job, chapter 42, verse 16, where it enumerates the blessings Job received after having lost everything. It talks about his sons, and his beautiful daughters. However, what is not mentioned is the fact that he must be mourning the loss of his previous children.

Speaking as a parent who has lost a child, and as a Christian, I can tell you that this is not an accurate picture. When this is preached in churches, I hear lots of amens, and hallelujahs, but there is never any acknowledgement of the pain Job must have felt, as the grieving parent of ten deceased children.

I suspect that Job rather liked his children, and to lose them all in such a violent and unexpected manner must have been painful and traumatic. Even though he had other children, the pain and grief of losing  his original children must still  have been present.

Also, we see in Matthew 26:37, that Jesus grieved his impending death. This type of grief is called anticipatory grief.

He turned to the men in his company and said,  “ I am exceedingly sorrowful”.  Notice that no one asked Jesus what he was feeling, but it seems that He had an inner compulsion to voice this grief. He then walked a few more steps, and fell onto His face and began praying. If you look closely at the prayer, what Jesus was actually doing was bargaining, which is another stage of the grieving process. He is saying, God, I don’t want to die, take this cup from me, but then again if it is your will.

Using Jesus as a model, I do believe that Christians should mourn their losses. It is a part of the healing process. If we deny the pain, and the loss, it festers and becomes complicated grief.

As Christians we hold the belief that God is with us through everything we face in life. That being the case, we must trust that God will guide us through that dark period of grief, and bring us to a place where we can function again. There is no getting around it. There is no getting over it. God must take us through it.

copyright 2011 L.S.B.